Understanding Women A Valentines Day Guide
Posted: Tuesday, February 07, 2006
by Scrip
I was in big trouble! I had forgotten a very important day in my sweetie's life. I was searching for a way out ... a way to make amends and show her I could be thoughtful, steadfast and kind. I understand women like that sort of thing.
Chocolates! They always work! Chocolates, lots of them, would get me off the hook for forgetting to get her a birthday present! Lucky for me, they had some big boxes of chocolates on sale right in the store I was in when I got this brainstorm. Immediately, without even thinking once, I bought her the biggest, most gaudy box of chocolates I could find in that huge selection. Why the chart inside the box identifying the individual chocolates alone must have weighed five pounds! Yet the box was only $9.95, marked down from $24.95: this was my LUCKY day!
I rushed to her apartment building, the jagged memory of her last phone call still twisting in my bleeding mind: "You idiot! How could you forget my birthday? You said you loved me but you probably forgot THAT too, just like you do everything else!"
I tried to tell her ( after she hung up, it turns out, thus burning me twice my feelings and my cell phone minutes) that I could, no, I WOULD change! No more procrastinating, forgetting, not listening, or always looking for a cheap price! Not me, not anymore, no sir! I understand women like those kind of self-incriminating vows.
Well, little Miss Recriminations was going to have to change her tune when she saw this great big old box of chocolates in the hands of her new man. Yes indeedy! I plucked a plastic flower from a bunch in the lobby of her apartment building, stuck it under the red ribbon on the box of chocolates and buzzed her room.
Lucky for me, someone was coming out, so I didn't have to wait, just slipped in before the main door closed, and got on the elevator, again with no waiting. Yes, this was my day, my NEW day and everything was going my way. Getting out, I walked to 209, and rang the door bell.
Smiling with anticipation, I waited, ready to gush out my new resolves while I groveled at her feet, eyes cast down. My uplifted hands would offer to my goddess of love the precious box of chocolates with the eternally fresh flower stuck under the red ribbon with the big bow. I understand women like those sort of things.
She came to the door, opened it and looked at me in shock and awe. IT WAS WORKING!
"You IMBECILE, she screamed, "Not only do you forget my birthday, now you are a week late with my Valentine's Day gift"!
I rose to my full height, standing erect and tall, like a brave man facing a firing squad. Enough was enough! Looking her straight in the eye, I said, "Sorry! Wrong room!"
Then I quickly exited, hands searching my pocket for the sales slip. For $9.95, it was worth hurrying before the store closed. I only hoped that items on sale could be returned.
The girl at the RETURNS counter was CUTE! As I handed her the sales slip and the heart-shaped box, she smiled at me.
I guess she could see I am very frugal and presently single. I understand that women like that sort of guy.
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